Lansdowne Live Compromise

I'm not even going to pretend to be impartial in the Lansdowne Live debate here in Ottawa. I'm a football guy and I want desperately for CFL football to return to the nation's capital. But to be fair there have been a lot of good arguments from those opposed to the project which must be addressed. The good news is I think we can find common ground. All it takes is a little compromise; take a step back and look at things from the other side's viewpoint then work together to find solutions to the contentious issues that are suitable to both parties. That is what I set out to do with the solutions I am proposing below and I think I have achieved my objective with flying colours. I have already forwarded these suggestions to the Lansdowne Live development group as well as the Glebe Residents Association and Councillor Clive Doucet and early reaction has been quite positive.

Here are the contentious issues and my proposed solutions.

Issue 1: Glebe residents are complaining about the druken and obnoxious behaviour in their neighborhoods by intoxicated football fans. This is understandable. There's no question that some football fans can be quite belligerent when they've had too much to drink. I should know, I'm one of those fans and I'm as belligerent as they come when I'm drunk.

Solution: The solution to this one is simple: Add a strip club to the Lansdowne Live project. This will get the "riff-raff" off the streets after the game and into one central location. And with the price of beer in those places nobody has more than one or two pints. So after a sobering two or three hours in the strip club nursing a couple of slow pints there will be a lot less drunken debauchery for police and residents to deal with.

Issue 2: Clive Doucet claims that the Lansdowne Live project does not provide enough green space for Glebe residents. This is fair. Having easy access to green space is important, especially for those living in the downtown core.

Solution: This may require additional costs but I propose that as part of this project a canal be built running right through the Glebe. We could build locks and link this canal to the Ottawa river and provide a navigable waterway all the way to Kingston. Then on either side of the canal we could put acres of green space and bike paths that could be used by the entire city for jogging, biking, rollerblading, picnics, etc. We could even freeze the canal over in the winter and turn it into the world's longest skating rink. I think if this canal were in place there would be sufficient green space surrounding it for Glebe residents and the issue of turning only a portion of the current asphalt at Lansdowne park into green space would not be such a contentious one.


Issue 3: Glebe resident are against having cars parked in their neighborhoods during Lansdowne events such as football games. And the indoor parking as proposed by Lansdowne live cannot even come close to satisfying the parking requirements. Again understandable. I'm the parent of a young child myself and I can't stand when there are cars parked on my street, it's a nuisance and it happens to be dangerous with kids running around in between the cars.

Solution: I have the perfect solution to this problem. Actually I'm stealing this from a buddy of mine who proposed this way back in our university days. It was at one of those old Boyd Moving and Storage parties that they held at the Civic Center salons. For some reason my buddy was on a big Rough Rider kick that night and in his drunken stupor was telling anyone who would listen that they should tear down all the housing around Lansdowne park and turn it into parking space for Rough Rider games. We all thought he was nuts but it turns out the guy was a visionary. I propose that all homes within 200 yards of the boundaries of Lansdowne Park be expropriated, torn down, completely leveled and turned into parking lots. This would provide space for approximately 15,000 vehicles. Can you imagine the tailgate parties before Rider games! And best of all no more cars parked on neighborhood streets in the remaining portion of the glebe. A win-win!

Issue 4: Who's gonna pay for all this? There is concern that the taxpayer is going to have to foot the bill for years to come. This is a good point, it is everyone's duty to be fiscally responsible when dealing with public resources.

Solution: With the strip joint and parking infrastructure in place the solution to this is trivial...outdoor rock concerts 5 nights a week. Use the revenue from parking and concessions to help defray the costs of the project. And remember how a portion of Senator ticket prices were used to pay for the 417 off-ramp? How about having $2 from every lap dance go directly to funding Lansdowne Live. I've crunched the numbers and there is no way that this would be a losing venture.

Issue 5: Too much automobile traffic in the streets going to and from Lansdowne Live, particularly during major events. Another good point by the Glebe residents. Everyone prefers a peaceful environment. And with children playing in the street the more traffic the more dangerous it is.

Solution: Again I go back to my university days when some friends got some scrap wood, some empty oil drums and a small outboard motor and built a barge to make the trek along the canal from Ottawa U to Lansdowne for the Panda Game. We thought they were crazy also but I think they may have had something. Instead of people driving to events at Lansdowne they can enjoy dinner or a few drinks in the city core then be "barged" to the event. The result would be a huge reduction in traffic so Glebe residents no longer have to worry as much about their children playing in the street. Of course parents who let their children swim in the canal will now have to worry more, but who cares, they're probably lousy parents anyway!

Issue 6: Clive Doucet insists that bids be open to an international design competition. The "Deuce" is right on, there is no way that we have the intelligence and expertise in this city to design our own stadium and residential and commercial buildings. We'd mess it all up for sure.

Solution: I agree with the international design concept but instead of wasting millions on an new design I propose we just re-use another highly successful international design project...the Olympic Stadium. I'm sure the plans to that thing are still locked up somewhere in Paris so get a hold of those and away we go...a world class facility that can be built for under $2 billion. Everyone is happy. We get our football stadium and the "Deuce" gets to brag to his socialite friends that it was designed by a bunch of Euros and not by some peasant Ottawa company.

I think that covers it. These solutions may require a few tweaks but I think this could be a major step forward in the adoption of Landsdowne Live. Let me know what you think and I'll see you at the first tailgate....8am sharp! Go Riders Go!!